One Year Ago

And it still feels fresh. It saddens me to think how many days go by that I don't even think of her, but whenever I do, I still feel so sad. I miss her, and I feel like "Fuck this. I want my dog back." I love you, Maxo.

Cheese nips.

Everything about Max's last day was surreal. She continued to eat as she always had: voraciously, seemingly insatiable. I decided to get her a McDonald's frosty cone before we arrived at the vet's, and I got one for myself as well, but only took a few licks, then gave her the rest. Probably not the best thing for her digestive tract, but at that point, I figured it really didn't matter. I think she would have eaten another dozen cones if we'd let her. Rick drove us down there and had gotten a cheeseburger for himself, which she wanted, but I figured the cones were a good 'last meal.' Birch and I stayed with her for several hours before we were ready to let them give her the overdose of {whatever}, and Birch was so hungry she was getting delirious, so she grabbed a pack of cheese nips from the front area of the vet's and brought them back to the room. And there was Max, suddenly pulling herself up, ready to help Birch with the cheese nips. Birch gave most of them to Maxo, and several minutes later we were both lying on the floor, feeling Max's life leave her in such a strangely abrupt way, it didn't seem real. Very peaceful, but so sudden, and so immediately final, it troubles me even now. I know we did the right thing for her, but it still feels so wrong that she's gone.

The house is hollow.

First time coming home tonight with no Max presence in the house to dutifully greet me. It feels emptier than anything I've felt before. I can feel now that Max was like the steady beating heart in our home for the last 12 years and to have her so suddenly gone leaves a huge void.

MEMORIES OF MAXO

This is for anybody who wants to post something about Max. Memory or anecdote, whatever you feel like. Please share.

5-13-2007. RIP Maxo.

Saddest day of my life so far.